"Oblivious" by EMMA

"Oblivious" by EMMA

   17:18       Emma

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Hello, It has been a while, right? 

I haven't written anything here for more than a year, a lot has happened and yet I don't know what to write, nothing seems of importance, nothing feels worthy of mentioning, nothing comes to mind, even words which used to give me a little bit of comfort doesn't have much of an effect anymore, I forced myself to come here or else I would've gone mad.

Everything just seems empty and pointless, everything I hold dear doesn't seem that way anymore, I've lost interest in many things but I keep pretending like I care still, I keep telling myself this is how you should feel about this and that, this is what you should do because, to be honest, I don't know what else to do or feel. 

I am truly hurt... by what? I have no idea, I am both numb and in deep pain, I don't know which way to go or who to turn to, everyone else is going through shit like me, I am well aware that there are people who care and love me, they want to help me or ease up my pain a little but honestly I can't afford to add my misery to theirs. 

I want it all to stop giving me a lot of pain and grief, I want everyone to do what they are supposed to do instead of pushing everything to me because that's the easier way to get things done, I keep acting, pretending, putting a smile on my face and trying to make everyone else feel better? But you see, I am afraid that I am losing my real self, piece by piece as I go on in this life. 

I wish I was oblivious to my own suffering...

• "Maybe you're dead inside and don't even know it. - Author: Bryant McGill".

• "I'm saying it's totally oblivious to how people feel. Take the ocean, for instance. You can love it, but it doesn't love you back. It will suck you under and steal your breath and beauty can make you cry, or that the sound of the tide coming in at night is the best lullaby you ever heard. - Author: D. Anne Love".

• "Unless you are oblivious to your own suffering, you have no right to be oblivious to other people's suffering. - Author: Jaggi Vasudev".

• "No matter how much you try to pretend and force yourself and maybe fight against love and try to forget or be oblivious to it, there's no way to fight it. I think when it's there, it's there. - Author: Olga Kurylenko".

• "You carry about in your own selfish world completely oblivious to the things that really upset me and then wonder what it is you've done wrong. - Author: Mike Gayle".

• "I looked at myself in that window, oblivious to all the people around me and I stared and smiled that particular smile. You know that smile that seems to knock you and tell you how pathetic you are? That's the smile I was smiling. - Author: Markus Zusak".

• " If you're oblivious to other people, chances are pretty good that you're going to hurt them. - Author: William Deresiewicz".

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"When It All Gets Too Much" by EMMA

"When It All Gets Too Much" by EMMA

   16:34       Emma

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Hello, how is everyone? It’s been too long since I last wrote something here, right? I do apologize for that, I am not sure how many actually bother to read what I write here though, Anyways I need to get this out of my system, as most of you know already this blog is a form of therapy for me, a place where I can simply pour everything out and let some of what is building up inside of me out, a measure of relief in a way, not sure If it will help anyone, myself included but here goes nothing.

When I was a little girl, I sincerely thought that when you become an adult, you get to do as you please, go after what you want, follow your dreams and simply you will be able to do whatever you feel like doing, that's what I led to believe how my life would be, Its true that everything I said is not completely wrong and some of it can actually happen for real, we are lucky, because we are healthy, we are safe, we  are strong, however, the struggles we face, the problems we need to solve, the hardships we need to overcome, the people we need to deal and live with, the situations we find ourselves in all that and more can make you feel hopeless, drained out of your soul, tired of having to meet expectations, work hard on daily basis, being careful of people's feelings and opinions, trying so hard to please everyone around you but yourself.

It’s an unbearable, suffocating, depressing phase to go through especially when you can’t talk to anyone about it, because every person around you expects you to be this cheerful helping person you’ve always been, this kind loving soul who can’t possibly get hurt, get angry, get frustrated and fed up with anything, over the years you find that you are playing this version of yourself as it is a real part of you but at the same time it is not entirely “you”, you have neglected, overlooked, abandoned pieces of you along the way that every once in a while hunts you, reminds you of another version of you that you left behind. It is then when it gets too much to handle, you find living difficult, you find breathing a torment, you lose interest in what once was a major part of your life, you become lazy, you lack the motivation to get up in the morning, your sleep is worsen and insomnia becomes your new friend, you begin wishing to disappear somewhere far far away, you think you are going crazy, many thoughts are piercing your mind, many feelings come to you that you haven’t realized before, you start to have dark views on the world, you let fear and despair crawls slowly inside of you, ruining you and detaining you bit by bit until you say I can’t do this anymore.

"You’re a flower that grows more transparent the wetter you become,
The white petal between us,
Become moist with regret,
Transparent but it doesn’t disappear,

When obscured from view,
At least it doesn’t hurt,

But being unable to grasp it despite knowing this,
Hurts as if I’m being torn apart as if I’m dying,
Now that it’s drenched with tears,
My obvious mistakes can be seen no longer,

Ah, they’re getting scattered by the wind,
Ah, they’re growing wetter with dew,

Dear petal before me,
Bearing the thick scent that deceived me,
So that I wouldn’t be able to find you,
You imprisoned me in the room of eternity,
And now you smile guile-fully and snowy white,

Ah, they’re getting scattered by the wind,
Ah, they’re growing wetter with dew,

As time passes the white petals, too, will wilt away,
With no memory of having been translucent,

Ah, they’re getting scattered by the wind,
Ah, they’re growing wetter with dew,

Time passes,
Time passes,
Time passes,
Time passes,
Time passes,
Time passes"

Skeleton Flower by Kim Jonghyun ❥

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"I am Enough" by EMMA

"I am Enough" by EMMA

   19:12       Emma

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Hello, how are you all doing? how is life for you? It has been a long time since I last wrote a blog and I do apologize for that dear readers! I may have lacked inspiration or simply life got too complicated! You know how that is like right? Anyway, I want you the person reading this now to carefully engrave my words to your heart and soul and keep reminding yourself every day that "you" is all "you" will ever need in this life.

Each one of us has his own life, his own circumstances, his own feelings and his own way of dealing with everything! Do you know who is the person that understands you the most? The person who can comfort you and help you through it all? It's "You". Yes!!! You read the correctly! No, I am not being sarcastic dear! Don't underestimate yourself! Don't put yourself down! Give more credit to yourself! You deserve it believe me! You earned it! You owe it to yourself to do that and more. My point is: Life is short dear, do what you love most! Do what makes "You" happy! Award yourself every once in a while! For example, You can set a schedule and have some "Me" time once a week or according to your best ability.

Don't get me wrong though, we all need a should to cry on, a friend to rely on, to know someone has your back who will be there for you no matter what! Someone who knows what's wrong just by looking at you! Someone who worry and checks up on you! Someone who makes you smile, laugh, love and appreciate yourself more! If you have someone like that close by you are truly blessed, my dear! In times of need or despair! If you reach rock bottom, you have to try to get back on your feet! It's alright, It's okay I promise you! You can do it! As long as your alive there is still hope, there is still light inside! You don't have to get up alone! When you feel like you are drowning in a world of darkness your loved ones will hold your hands and guide you back to the surface where you can reach a better place and finally feel like you can breathe again.

I'd like to share with you a poem I love called "You are enough" by Michelle K.

"You are enough.

Paint it on your mirrors,
on the back of your eyelids,
drown it in your stomach,
sing it in every word you say.
You are never too much.
Eat your food,
sleep eight hours,
walk like you love yourself.
You are enough.
Say it in your sleep,
mantras to carry you through your day.
There is never enough of you.
You are a thirst that is never quenched.
I crave you when you’re away.
I love every piece of you.
But I cannot make you love yourself." 

Sincerely,
Emma.

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"I am Sorry" by EMMA

"I am Sorry" by EMMA

   06:37       Emma

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 Hello, Its me again! How are you all doing? I seriously need for summer to be over! The heat is unbearable here but Its getting bit cooler each day! At least that is what I want to believe. I am hoping you all like my blog so far! Thank you for your support everybody! I'll keep doing my best to express myself to you all. Okay, what I'll talk about today is why you should say “I am sorry”.


In my 23 years of being on this earth, I can actually count the number of times somebody apologized to me, when in fact a lot of those who hurt me either its something small or big and should apologize they didn't! No! They are above all that, have too much pride and arrogance or maybe simply embarrassed for some reason. I wish we can express ourselves more! Say sorry when you do something wrong, believe me that won't make you the smaller person! Or make the other pity you or see you as weak! It will make you a better person! It is not okay to hurt somebody, but we are humans and we make mistakes that is why we need to say sorry, ask for forgiveness, even If the other person doesn't forgive you that is up to him/her but you do it for you! To have a clear conscience and ease of mind and to assure to yourself that you are not so horrible after all.


Why do you think its very hard to apologize? Because we can't face the other person afterwards? Because we think highly of ourselves and we would never do anything worth apologizing for? I am telling its best to say “I am sorry” and truly regret whatever is it that you've done or else you can't maintain real honest relationship with anyone. I have friends that I had for years and we are really close but I think I kept my part of apologizing to them and maybe because of my nature sometimes I hurt them without meaning to and for that I say to all of you who consider me their friend I am sorry and please tell me If I ever hurt you because I never meant to! On the other hand I have things that I am still upset about that happened long time ago, I guess we do forgive but we don't forget and a tiny scar remains in your heart and stays there forever.


The thing we all need to understand and apply in our lives! It's never too late to say your sorry! It's never too late to ask for forgiveness! You are still breathing aren't you! Don't leave any words unsaid! Say how you feel! Convey or explain why you did what you did! We can't change the past! We can't undo our mistakes! But we should at least have the decency to know that we made a mistake and pull up the courage to apologize to the ones we hurt right? We owe it to ourselves to do that! And our apology should not be empty or come with an excuse It should come from the heart and that we are truly indeed very sorry for what we have done, not by a mere of "I am sorry" but Its a start to show the other person how much we are willing to fix and work on ourselves. Let them see through your acts how sorry you are.

Here are some of my favorite quotes about "I am Sorry":

• "Sacrifice is at the heart of repentance. Without deeds, your apology is worthless". By Bryan Davis.

• “More people should apologize, and more people should accept apologies when sincerely made.” By Greg LeMond.

• “You can always say sorry, But the real apology is when you hear the sadness in their voice and see the look in their eyes. And you realize that they have hurt themselves just as much..” by Kid Cudi.

Sincerely,

Emma

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"Unleash Your Imagination" by EMMA

"Unleash Your Imagination" by EMMA

   03:01       Emma

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Do you ever get lost in thoughts and find yourself drifting far far away? Is it something we do when we are relaxed and have time on our hands? Or is it because we want to escape from reality? Do we do it because we need a few moments away from all the madness that is our lives? I'll talk today about how really important it is to use your imagination and picture many different things in your head that will eventually improve your daily life. 

People actually have many ways to apply that! Some write (like me!), others draw or maybe bury themselves in books and live a number of fantasies in their heads! Do not estimate the power of your imagination, in simple terms, It's endless and each of us imagines different things all the time. For example, I often find myself lost in my ideas of how my future will end up to be! It may be a form of (worry/thinking too much) but It is my imagination! Like how many kids I'll have or how my husband will be like? Many of us want to know the future right? I used to be the same but now I don't really want to know! I mean, what's the fun of knowing? I believe in karma and that your positive energy will help you get to where you want to be! I'll say work on yourself to become a better person! We all need self-improvement. 

It's good to have your own plan and vision of what you want to become but do not hold on to it so badly! You are capable of doing anything you want! YES!!! You have the ability and power! All you need to obtain is a strong will and most importantly always believe in yourself and that you CAN. Few get devastated and broken when things turned out to be not how they wanted! It's okay to feel all that! Let it all sink in and move on! Unleash your imagination! Paint a picture that you can become anything you set your mind to it! Nothing is impossible for you! There are no limits to what you can be! 

Like even If you were forced into a career that you are currently unhappy with! Use your head! Think! (DO NOT! Overthink!) How to change that negative to a positive? Try and make a list of the good opposite to the bad points of your job! Work on them! Try once, twice, many times! If you tried really hard and nothing works try one last time to clear your mind then simply quit! Perhaps you are better without that job in the first place! But note that before you leave your job you must be really READY to do that. 

Imagination is truly essential to the human soul, heart, and mind! It can help you cope with your problems, 
it can let you feel better, lift up your spirit and genuinely heal your soul. 

Here are some of my favorite quotes about "Imagination":

• "Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." By Louisa May Alcott.

• "Imagination is stronger than knowledge. Knowledge is limited, imagination encircles the world." By Albert Einstein.

• "Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will." By George Bernard Shaw.

• "Visualization is the act of picturing something in your mind. It utilizes the incredible power of your imagination." By Mark Snyder.

• "Use your imagination not as an escape from reality but as an aid to making your reality the best it could possibly be." By Amy Pendergrass.

• "Imagine a life where no one tells you that you can't do something. Imagine, if you will, a life in which you tell yourself that you can do anything you want - no limits." By Colleen Archer.

Sincerely,

Emma

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"Healing For The Soul" by EMMA

"Healing For The Soul" by EMMA

   04:29       Emma

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Hi! It's me again!

I want to talk today about healing and how It became a necessity to all of us now. 

Why is it getting harder for us to wake up in the morning? Why it's a lot easier to stop having dreams and to stop working to achieve them? Where is that thrive, passion and determination we once had? Do we simply give up? Do we simply exist in this world? Another number to add to the population? This time we live in is not easy and It can hurt you, break you, hell, It can even make you want to die or simply disappear. I know It's getting a lot harder to be yourself, to connect to someone, to even show how you are feeling, you want to scream, to cry, to let someone know your pain! You only want to be happy, you need to feel alive, to feel worthy and that you are needed. Maybe you are already tired of being hurt, tired of being angry, tired of being sad, you simply don't care anymore and you have reached a point in your life where everything makes you feel numb.

Let me tell you something we all have our ups and downs! Feeling like shit is okay, Crying your eyes out is okay, Screaming your lungs out is okay too. But don't think for one second you are not worthy! That you are not loved or needed! Even If you don't see it! Even if you don't feel it! You are human for god's sake! It's okay to make mistakes and learn from them! It's okay to work on yourself to become a better person! I myself trying to create a whole new better version of Emma. You can heal your soul little by little! One piece at a time! What's most important for you to do now is: to love and accept yourself unconditionally with all your flaws! Don't let anyone judge you or put you down because of who you are.

Many people forget this but you can't be happy without being sad! You can't be at the top If you haven't reached the bottom. We cry and we sob! We get hurt and the scars remain! We may forgive but we for sure never forget. If you find yourself in a dark lonely place right now! Don't try to evade it quickly! Accept how you feel, face your feelings and sort them out! Believe me, It works. Whether It's your partner, friend, family, job, whatever that is making you feel miserable, you have to face them/it and simply do what you wanted to do. If you have someone that keeps making your life a living hell! The first thing to do is to cut off that person right away! If it's someone that can't be replaced or cut out then work on yourself to not be affected by them in any way. It's hard it may take years but believe me you will get there in the end.

Your soul is your core, your base, your home. Only you can help it heal, try new things, change your routine, make new friends, live your life to fullest! Try to enjoy every moment of it because it's your life and no one else is living it but you.

Sincerely,
Emma.

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Here We Go!

Here We Go!

   02:09       Emma

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Hello, 

This is more like an introduction post and I'll be telling you few things about me.

This blog is created mainly for the purpose of me talking about many different things along with some aspects of my life. It may contain only ranting! You have been warned! It will be like a window to my soul that I will simply pour it all here because this is one of my (many) steps that I need to do in order to become a better person and maybe ease some of the weight I am carrying always. 

Everyone calls me Emma and I am 24 years old, I live in Riyadh, the capital city of Saudi Arabia which is my home country. I am a Muslim girl! I recently graduated and finished my bachelor degree in radiological sciences. I live at my home with my parents, 2 brothers, and 2 sisters. I am currently looking for a job and hopefully, I'll be hired real soon. I can be weird and crazy sometimes, well who isn't these days right? I love to fangirl all the time and have many fandoms. But on the other hand, I am very responsible and seems like everyone depends on me all the time! I am a hard worker! A perfectionist to the core! And I really hate liars. I have trust issues and couldn't have real friends until high school due to a childhood trauma. Tea is my favorite drink and I can't live without it! I am Teaholic! Like there is such a thing! LOL. Short hair is my style and I don't think I can ever stand long hair! Everyone is telling me to make it longer though! xD Hmm... I don't know what else I can write so let's leave it at that for the introduction. 

Favorite quote(s): 

• "Peace begins with a smile".

• "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself".

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